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not a nice girl
Tuesday, November 26, 2002:
and happy happy happy birthday to leslie! and big huge-normous thank you to dragon for the early birthday present. i still haven't opened it yet, but the temptation will be much greater when i get back from home.
Jayme // 11:12 PMComments
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what are you thankful for?
� my family. they're crazy, but i love them.
� my friends. they're amazing; they're crazy; they're there when i need them and they're great.
� chris. *some* people say that there's no romance in our relationship, but he knows me better than most and vice versa. i wouldn't be where i am without him.
� my spirituality
� my hobbies that keep me sane, including the ones i want to take up.
� my education, because i'm always curious. especially classes that are really cool, like biology of fishes and u.s. third world feminism.
� being able to walk. not having to consider myself 'broken" anymore. though i would still like to be able to crack my back, i'll take what i can get. a whole spine is a good thing. especially since they didn't have to operate, like the doctor threatened, and add metal rods to my spine. being able to twist my torso and get up from bed without help. it's been almost a year and a half, but it could have gone much differently.
� having 5 different places to be for thanksgiving. national city, mira mesa, escondido, corona, pasadena. that just means that we have people that care about us and love us enough to share that day with them. (though the driving might be a bit insane, but i'll leave that up to dad)
� every place i've been and every person i've met. they all leave their imprints. even the bad ones, because they make you appreciate the great ones even more.
� there's probably lots more, but that's it for now.
what are you thankful for?
Jayme // 11:09 PMComments
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Monday, November 18, 2002:
answer: left behind...
question: describe how you feel in two words or less.
this is my fourth year. in theory, i should be graduating this spring. i'm not. but i knew that. my anacapa family is all graduating, though... as far as i know, the people i've known the whole time i've been in college will move on with their lives. anne, amy, lori, cc, eric, and mat to name a few... i already miss them... they're all busy with their lives now. we used to all be close, incestuous family, eating most meals together, braving the dining commons, running down the hallways because we lived that close to each other. is it weird to look at your senior year (well, i'll have senior status next quarter) and wish you could back to your freshman year? especially when it was really horrible and really great at the same time?
it feels like college has made me stupider. i don't feel as smart as i knew i was when i got here. maybe it's because of all the amazing and brilliant people i've met; maybe it's because i've learned so much that i recognize i know nothing. i'm going to be here longer for several reasons: breaking my back before finals is a good way to miss them, i don't feel like i know enough about my major or myself to leave, and i refuse to load up on units to catch up only to end up with a mental breakdown or burn out.
and i feel that life in general has left me behind. people i know that are younger than me are engaged. some have been for a while. several people my age are married/been married. my friends at school have jobs and boyfriends and fiances and girlfriends. my friends at home see each other/talk to each other more than i get to. i never know when i can call people and if it'd be really random and weird for me to do so. i go home and i stay home. i don't go anywhere. i'm almost 22 and i don't ever know if my parents will get mad at me for being out. and i miss just being at home. i come home and life there has moved on without me. my family neglects to tell me important things whenever i call. half the time i don't know what's been going on with my friends either. my life has essentially been the same for years... and it's weird, going to school so far from home, when most people i've known have stayed... it may seem like life hasn't changed for them, but when i'm here, it's like i'm stuck while they're still moving. they live at home and go to school and come home and hang out with friends and i live at school and rarely leave campus grounds. my mwf class in iv theater doesn't count -- it's university property.
i've let the room get dark because i've been blogging since before sunset... watching the moon rise... wishing i had the luxury of sitting on the roof of miranda house to watch the sun set and the moon rise, watching the moonbeams dance on the ocean swells...
but i don't.
heading over to chris' for a bit, then to my national residence halls honorary (nrhh) meeting. i'm secretary -- i have to go.
leave comments. i miss interaction with friends. i miss comments, even if they're seemingly unimportant. i miss knowing that people other than me read this.
Jayme // 5:37 PMComments
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Sunday, November 17, 2002:
note to self...
dear self,
remember to eventually get these things for yourself when you have the chance (prolly with b-day/x-mas money)...
this shirt, red or black sleeves, xl
this bag, especially while it's on sale
this, either preorder or wait til it's actually out...
yarn!!
yarn
yarn
yarn
yarn, in the purple/blue colors
yarn, in silver lining
nifty for in-class knitting
bottom/low whorl preferably
and lots of books... hmm... need to browse amazon.com again... but i need sleep... so good night all!
Jayme // 1:24 AMComments
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Tuesday, November 12, 2002:
in theory i should be insanely busy studying and researching for paper and writing paper and stuff... but i've been lazy. had a lazy weekend. slept late, slept in, played lots of video games, ate out a lot... it was nice. now it's hard to get back into the routine of being good and stuff. but i think the restful weekend helped me feel less stressed out by postponing the current stressors. i even knit stuff. a hat and a really thin scarf from the leftover hat yarn... the scarf can double as a belt, if i really wanted to... it's really warm and soft... i tried it tonight as i walked to and from anime club tonight. quick and easy project to keep my hands occupied, since they get bored... does that sound strange?
lots of things on my mind and no time to write them all down... i think once i get back into my routine i'll find time to do it... lots of strange thoughts... at least, foreign to me...
Jayme // 11:48 PMComments
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Monday, November 11, 2002:
Which Moon Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Moon Goddess: Hello beautiful, you are the night and the dreams whispered. Wishes spoken outloud.
nice.... hehe...
Jayme // 2:47 AMComments
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Tuesday, November 05, 2002:
gallery from halloween party is up, go see, go see!!
Jayme // 11:08 PMComments
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Sunday, November 03, 2002:
In response to the mushiness...
Like a dream, a childhood fantasy
You came to me, wiped me off my feet
Like paradise lookin' in your eyes
You take my breath away
Baby, I'm here to say
You make me feel special
You're all that I need and more
Fairytales do come true
Cuz they did when I met you
The only time I ever fell
I fell for you
Now I'm so in love
So deep in love with you
When I'm with you, I get lost in time
When we're hand in hand
Our dreams intertwined
On and on like drifting off to sea
Never ending, you're all I need
You make me feel special
You're all that I need and more
Fairytales do come true
Cuz they did when I met you
The only time I ever fell
I fell for you
Now I'm so in love
So deep in love with you
The only time I ever fell
I fell for you
Now I'm so in love
So deep in love with you
You make me feel special
You're all that I need and more
Fairytales do come true
Cuz they did when I met you
The only time I ever fell
I fell for you
Now I'm so in love
So deep in love with you
The only time I ever fell
I fell for you
Now I'm so in love
So deep in love with you
(You make me feel special)
The only time I ever fell
(you're so incredible)
I fell for you
Now I'm so in love...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
When I'm down
You show me love
When times get rough
You show me love
When I can't go on
You show me love again
Over and over again
When I had no one to call my own
So brokenhearted and all alone
You were there to comfort me
You're my everything
And no one can love me like you do
When I'm down
You show me love
When times get rough
You show me love
When I can't go on
You show me love again
Over and over again
When I had no one to turn to
You were always there to see me through
No one can love me quite the way you do
You're my heart, you're my joy
And everyday
You make it alright
When I'm down
You show me love
When times get rough
You show me love
When I can't go on
You show me love again
Over and over again
When I'm down
You show me love
When times get rough
You show me love
When I can't go on
You show me love again
Over and over again
Late at night
When I'm troubled 'bout tomorrow
You come and make everything alright
In my time of need
Baby you give love to me
My love, my joy
You know you do
You know you give me love
When I'm down
You show me love
When times get rough
You show me love
When I can't go on
You show me love again
Over and over again
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Its not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
Its just the nearness of you
It isnt your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
Its just the nearness of you
When youre in my arms and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If youll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night the nearness of you
Happy four year anniversary, Chris. I love you.
Jayme // 1:47 AMComments
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Friday, November 01, 2002:
too much i...
can say
could say
feel like saying
wish i could say
want to say
don't know if i should say
would say
might regret saying
need to say...
but there's a lot of it. it needs to go somewhere... and i need to go to bed. not enough time for me to take assorted medicines, i'm hungry, i'm numb, and i have class in 7 hours. i'll go procrastinate elsewhere.
Jayme // 3:04 AMComments
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